Dr.Malpani-What does a mother go through when her daughter is infertile ?

A Comanche Mother
Image by George Eastman House via Flickr

This is a guest blog entry from the mother of one my patients. It offers great insight into the impact of infertility on other family members !

Q 1 What do you feel when you see your daughter go through IVF ?

A There are mixed feelings – of high hopes as well as anxiety. On a positive note, I feel good that with the advances in medicine today we have expert guidance in Infertility Treatment which was not available to the previous generation. So, a ray of hope crosses my heart that there is still a chance for my daughter to conceive and achieve her dream.

Anxiety, that my daughter has to take so many injections and medicines. I can see her emotional strains when two IUI cycles failed after all the efforts put in not to mention the financial loss incurred due to her taking leave without pay from her current company to attempt IVF as also the risk that she may not get her job back.

However, the biggest risk – “What if too much of these injections and medicines end up in pregnancy, but with a child suffering from Down’s Syndrome? Better not to have a child than give birth to one who will face difficulties for life.

Q 2 How does your daughter cope? How does she feel about it?

A I can see my daughter struggling to cope with difficulties and there are quite a few – the main being to reduce her weight.

I admire her commitment to have gone through it all. She could have chosen the easy way out and said ‘No’ to Infertility Treatment. After all, she has crossed 40 yrs. and she knows her chances are low. She has sacrificed her job, left her home in Pune to be under Dr. Malpani’s excellent care in Mumbai.
As a mother, I’ve encouraged her to do her Best and leave unto God the Rest.

It is said that some of our principal regrets in life are the opportunities we passed up and the chances we didn’t take.

Q 3 How do I feel about one child having children, one not?

A Each person has his own Destiny – Karma. My daughter got married at 41 yrs, while my son was quite young when he married , so by God’s grace he did not have difficulty vis-à-vis “infertility factor”.

According to me, the be all and end all of marriage is not just re-production. Sure, grand children are a source of delight and posterity is ensured.
However, I’d rather apply the analogy to marriage that “Oftentimes two people working together find easy that which seems un-surmountable to one alone.”

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